I had a Tintern Abbey morning. After I got up, I lay back down in bed, closed my eyes, and tried to remember the last several years starting with the first year of college. I reimagined my room, the Myers building, the dining halls (long tables of people, loud laughing, Sunday brunch), my walking routes to class, the buses, classes, where everyone lived, classmates, events, constructions, my habits, seasonal changes, the trees, etc. I stirred up those particular sharp feelings. Not bad, but like a familiar smell that never quite points to one thing but opens up a world of memories. At first I was sad because I opened my eyes and felt really alone and without a center in my room. In the process of thinking about people I should reconnect with, however, I realized that I have felt this way several times in my life, especially during moves. When I moved to Atlanta, I felt this way (and thinking back, I remember how wonderful my years in Arizona were), I felt this way when I left Seattle as a child, and I even felt this way during the first year of college after I had left my high school friends and my family in Atlanta.

New York has not quite wowed my yet. I am still in survival mode, still learning a new job, moving from sublet to sublet, still trying to make connections. I'm sure I'll look back on this time of my life with nostalgia, closing my eyes and trying to retrace these sublets, my office, Columbia, New York, first friends, etc.

I think I'll go to the park and try to relax.